Darling, Can't You Hear Me? S.O.S.

I’ve hit a wall and the wall consists of catchy show tunes and sleeping in until three in the afternoon. Let me elaborate.

Being home from university for the summer has been a nice welcomed change. Although I do miss my friends and the ultimate freedom from my parents, I will never miss the late night cramming for exams or getting up early for classes. I was beginning to think that the bags underneath my eyes were permanently tattooed there. As well, in university a person rarely has time for himself or herself. From roommates to co-ed bathrooms, you completely forget what it’s like to be alone. (And shower without flip-flops on) So now that I’m free from school for over four months (!!!), I have all the time to myself…except that idea has sort of backfired on me.

The time I usually fall asleep at is 4 am and I usually wake up around 3pm. When I am awake, I spend my time in a daze of television, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (what’s the difference between jelly and jam?) and drowning myself in the Mamma Mia! The Movie soundtrack.  I’m not even kidding, I’ve listened to that album exclusively for the past two days after I watched the movie for the first time on Saturday and I’m in love with the eccentric 70s pop songs.

Instead of continuing with this (probably unhealthy) lifestyle of Swedish disco music and pb & j sandwiches, I’ve decided to start a change. I want to start a more natural way of living where I’m actually energized and not sleepy all the time. That means more fresh air and less refined foods. I’m saying goodbye to the dark circles and hello to yoga.  As well, (probably most important) I need to get a job so I can afford to get out of my Lululemon pants and into some cute shorts and floral tops for summer.

It’s almost a guarantee I’m not going to be able to keep up with this dream everyday so I’m open to having lazy days, but I hope they’re few and far between. Sure I’ll miss my lethargic way of living but I think my body and my mind will prefer a more happier and healthier version of me. I’ll keep you posted. Laters!

Diary of an Embarrassed Fool

I always remember my most embarrassing moments the last couple of seconds before I fall asleep. Right before my brain hits snooze for the night (or morning since university has ruined my sleeping pattern), all I can think about is the mistakes I've made and all the things I wish I had done. It's a constant cycle of self pity and regret that seems to turn faster right before I fall unconscious. 

I remember the moment when I opened my mouth and the brilliant comeback or witty joke I so masterfully thought up comes out in a combination of words and phrases that have no business being strung together. Or when on a spurt of confidence, I dared to take a chance and the only thing that changed was the colour of my cheeks as they turning a noticeable shade of crimson.  An uneasy laugh or a blank stare is sure to follow, then I have to uncomfortably explain myself to avoid looking and sounding like a complete lunatic. 

It's my life. It's a day-to-day occurrence for me and I'm fairly certain I'm not alone on this. 

I'm awkward. I'm socially uncomfortable.

Maybe it's because I grew up in a generation where typing and messaging holds greater importance than verbally speaking to a friend. Or perhaps I have crippling anxiety, which makes the very thought of doing something on my own sound similar to torture. 

Likelihood it's a bit of both. The mixture of the two makes it impossible to create a sentence without it being littered with "um's" or "like's" and is probably the reason why I avoid answering all phone calls.  

I understand that these moments possibly could help me 'grow' but for me they are a horrible reminder that I'm just a tad bit odd. Maybe in twenty years I'll look back on this first blog post and laugh at how silly I sounded. I'm a young adult who doesn't know how good I have it! I'll say to myself.  (whatever this it is) But at the moment, I'm stuck in a rut of doing awkward things while I try to avoid it. Ironic. 

This blog is a way for me to scribble down the jargon in my mind; a diary of sorts that not only is filled with stories, but ideas and dreams. I'm not promising much, realistically I would be pleased if you learned from my mistakes, but I do promise to be faithful. 

And at often times, very awkward. Laters! x